I am sorry for your loss and the trauma you have suffered. I kept seeing the same statement about not being a good daughter. I hope you know that, this statement is simply not true. The abuse you have suffered at the hands of your mother has shaped the way you view yourself and thats why you say this. I hope you are getting some form of therapy because the truth is we all need it. Wishing you all the best and good luck with your writing. BTW I am now following your work.